This will take a little time to take shape

Are you sure you want me describe myself ...coz i m myself confused

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Location: Mumbai, Maharashtra, India

Seriously just dont know anything about Me...:)

Friday, November 17, 2006

When The Solution Is Simple...God Is Answering ..hmm

Thinking about my temparament, I was always a self entertaining person. Never did I feel the need of outside world to make me feel good or happy for that reason....then why now!!!! The question seemed weird to me, but then the answer was so simple! I was just wondering about how i am feeling and I was confused when suddenly a mail popped in...which literally seemed like answers to all the confusion i had in my mind!!! Actually more than answers the mail seemed like someone read my feelings and expressed it in words. The first one went like:

"Sometimes you got to smile and walk away hold in your tears and pretend you are ok. It happens, but life goes on. Our reason for living is not in the things we acquire, but in the collection of memories,loves and friendships we gain along the way."

Yeah, tell me that! I have been always known as the smiling face, but ask me how hard it was to have that broad smile on my face while somewhere deep down my heart was weeping trying to find its way through tears. It was neither easy nor was it that pleasant as it seemed to the world. But yeah still LIFE GOES ON....

The second one went like this:-

"Do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anyone & you don't want to smile & you don't want to fake being happy but at the same time you really don't know what's exactly wrong either?"

Ask my sissie dear, my cousins and some of my good friends. Had a hell lott of those days. Many of them call me moody for that..lolzz. But those are the days that give you time for introspection....and guess what today was one of those blessed days. I was online the whole time, but did not want to speak to any one at all. Sometimes solitude brings out the best in you!!

The third one was the most convincing one for me :

"One mistake can ruin your life, but it depends on how you take it, you can take that mistake and turn it around and learn from it. Have courage"

Yeah sure, don't know if I could turn it around, but I did learn a lot of things and qualities that I need in myself so as to fit in well within the social world. But was it necessary to pay such a High price? And talking about courage, courage is not the absence of is when you and you alone are aware of the fact that you are scared to death. This is fun, people just belive that you had the courage to fight, its just how well you can act and control your facial expressions.

This one just came as an answer to Sheetal's love for me :

"Sometimes people have hurt us. We ask ourselves, "Why me?" I say,"Why not me?" The things we go through in life happen for a reason and help prepare us for the next step in life. Have faith in yourself and anything you want will happen. Always go forward, don't go backward."

Its just not possible to go backward in such cases, because unlike our computer systems, there is no "undo" system in relations and love. You just love them. Its not you who failed in your love, its just that they either don't deserve your love or its just that their need was fulfilled and they had to move its time for us to move on.

The last one was the best. I think this is the solution to all our problems today:

"We could all take a lesson from crayons, some are bright, some are beautiful, some are dull, some are short, some are tall, and some have weird names. But they all have to learn to live in the same box."

I think its high time that we learn to be one of the colours of this beautiful world. The whole world can be explained in this one sentence! A single family, even two real sisters, have different colours, though they grow together. Then why not learn to accept the differences of the people we meet with the same grace as we do with our loved ones!!!

But as rightly said by someone, human speices is the most funny speices. It knows it all but seldom know where to use it..lolzz. Its always easier said than done !!

Who is that someone...I am sure you wont take this one (Another trait commonly found in human behavior..they are curious to know but when you tell them the truth they dont belive you..hehe)


Saturday, November 11, 2006

Nupla Baal called her Poopa Pachi ..hehe

Hey today was such a beautiful day ...First time ever did Nupur called me by ma name. When kalputai called us today morning, nupla baal spoke to me and said "tu kashi aahe poopa pachi " and then when asked to repeat she said "tu kashi aahes deepu pachi "(in a total Donald Duck voice hehe ) ooooooooooh that was choooooo cweet. Those few words washed away all the pains in my life!!!!!

You know what it felt like God kept His hand on my heart. It felt like heaven. I am sure none of us has seen how the most spoken about subject ...THE GOD looks like! But I can assure you one thing if you want to know how far can a God go to fulfil the demands of his loved ones you should see the love of our parents, and if you want to experience the innocence of God, take care of a child for a month!

And I can say I am one of those lucky ones who have experienced the both. Any way coming back to my baby, she then said all those things that she has started speaking, ofcourse on the promptings from Kalputai. Hey the funniest one is that she says "acetone" to ask for an ice-cream cone..lolzz. Then kalputai asked her "tujya aaicha naav kaay"...her immediate response was "kapilaaaa" and when asked "tujhya Pa cha naav kaay?" ...she said " manesh"... oooohhh that was cho chweeeeet I can give up on any thing for her words, mannnn.

Anyway, eventually me and Kalputai had a long chat and then we hung up.

But have had the best day ever !!!!


Monday, November 06, 2006

Love Speaks ...But Not Always In Words

It was one of the most depressing days I was witnessing in the last few weeks. I was taking life a little more seriously than it actually is, I guess. But then at that time everything was getting darker and darker for me. I was getting anxious about my career and my overall "LIFE". For years I have programmed myself to win and watch things work according to my wish. By God's grace my life has been like someone working 24/7 as per my wishes ...what you call--"Your Wish My Command". So Life has been a cake walk for me till Failures started knocking my door.

Anyway the point is that due to all this I could not handle the failures in my life. When things became a little unbearable I gave up and cried my heart out. Last few weeks were a part of my WEAK PHASES in life. But as they say it EVEN THIS WILL PASS AWAY....even that passed away. The best part of those dark days was the realisation of the Unspoken Love in my life. Just because your Mom does not say it often or your Dad does not tell you in words, it does not mean that they dont love you. In the similar way there are many people in our life who never ever say those three words I Love You, but still stand by you when you need to know that you are not alone.

The same thing happened the other day. When I was feeling real lonely and lost, All my cousins and my sissie dear called me the same day just to assure me "dont worry deepu tai we all are here for you". The most touching as well as strengthing my spirits was the call from Varun who called from Dehradun just to ask me what was wrong!! The most touching thing was that he had the patience to call me 7 times as I spoke on the other line to Viraj who called from Singapore to tell me that he missed me ...No way did he say that but his call spoke for him ...hehe ..Any way coming back to Varun, at that moment it was so easy for him to misunderstand me that I did not pick up his call and just let it be !...But No ..he had enough care and concern to wait till I finished the other call, and kept on trying till I picked up his call. He has been always a man of few words but the words he said today will remain with me forever. The first reaction expected after such a long wait is "Where have you been yaar, I am trying for so long(in an irritated tone) !" But the first thing he said was " Kaay zalaa Deeputai tula ...bari aahes naa?..Itki ka depress zaali aahes!" And at the end of the conversation there was an assurance that said " Aamhi aahot naa deeputai ..kashala kaalji kartes"

Hmm those words acted like a cool soothing breeze during a Hott sunny afternoon, like the warmth of a blanket through the cold dreadful night!! The irony is that we keep on running behind the people who never care for us, and ignore those who love us so much!

The same day morning Kalputai called just because she kept on remembering me the whole day (her day night when I was thinking of none other than her as I cried)....telepathy works i guess. She never ever says that she loves me, even though I keep on saying it to her a 1000 times ...she just reacts with a dry tone " aww ok yaar, same to you"he he !! But the funniest part is that there is no one in this world who has understood me better than her, not even my mom.Not that my mom does not understand me at all but i need to tell her what I mean, which seldom happens with Kalputai. I have seen tears roll down her cheeks as she tried to calm me down saying "aga deepu sagla neat hoil ...dheer dhar" huh ...

Its such a blessed life to have so many people loving you so much, and these stupid failures bother me so much ..huh ...Need to improve I guess!!!